it’s hard to go through each day with the same fixations that i’m constantly trying to escape. the hardest part is that i can see it all unfold in front of me, i can feel myself get sucked into the cycle over and over again, and it’s impossible to stop it. there’s good days and bad days. on the bad days, i am consumed with thoughts about it. i can’t take my mind off it. i obsess over it. i go over each detail with a fine tooth comb. i’m sick of feeling this way and wish that it could just be normal and that i could go back to being naive and ignorant. and the worst thing about it is that i know it’s never going to go away. there won’t be some switch that goes off. it’s just always going to be there. and knowing it’s there is what makes it so painful.
a staple of college life
i think i have a pretty good sense of how people perceive me and i’m not bothered by the fact that i’m perceived as a pretty crappy person. at least i’m known for something. it’s better than being a nobody.
why can’t everything just stop for one second? i hate being this overwhelmed.